Reparation the tale of a new beginning for Angel
by n2elephants
Summary: It's L.A. 2009 and Angel has lost the love of his life...Buffy is dead and she's not coming back this time. But just when he wants to greet the sun, he finds love again in a place he never expected.


Reparation: A tale of Angel's new beginning.

Author: Judy

I think this is where I say I do not own the characters. Dawn and Angel belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.

I know this isn't a conventional Bufy/Angel pairing, but I had this dream where Buffy died...and this is what came from it, so please just give it a shot and please no flames.

I'd like to thank Jenna, (Angel's blue eyed girl) for helping with the re-write of this story and for encouraging me (even though she was hesitant about this pairing) to write this story. Thank you so much Jen, you really are an angel and you gave me the courage to follow this vision and post it. (hugs)

**Los Angeles: 2009**

Dawn tossed and turned in her bed. The screams from the other room were getting louder and she glanced at the clock. Three a.m. She was beginning to think he'd never get tired and go to sleep. It was times like these that she seriously wondered if staying with Angel was such a great idea. She sighed and put the pillow over her head. It didn't solve the problem, but at least it quieted the loud moans and cries of pleasure coming from Angel's newest one nighter…

Dawn felt the tears coming and buried her head deeper under the soft downy fluff of the pillow. The last thing she wanted was for Angel to hear her crying. It could raise questions she was in no way shape or form prepared to answer. Like why was she crying and how long had she loved him? Forever—did forever work? It hadn't for Buffy…would it for her? She doubted it. Angel didn't do forever, even when he wanted to.

Again the woman's voice broke through her feathered cocoon and Dawn felt like smacking the bitch. Her cries of "AngelAngelAngel," were seriously getting on her nerves and from the sound of it, the woman, (stupid whore) wasn't going to be quitting anytime soon. Dawn clenched her eyes shut, gritting her teeth hard enough that she wondered if her dentist might find a crack or two at her next check up.

"Oh God Angel! Angel…Yessssss….I'm coming. I'm—" Her shout was abruptly cut off, as if someone had put a hand over her mouth.

"Finally!" Dawn muttered, eternally grateful that Angel had finally shut the loud-mouthed skank up!

She rolled onto her back, her eyes flooding with tears again as she heard the headboard pounding against the wall with a loud bang, bang, bang sound that signaled Angel seeking his climax. Dawn hated the skanky women that were constantly in and out of Angel's bed. She wanted to rip the hair right out of their heads, but to her shame she had to admit she'd give just about anything to be exactly where those 'skanks' were—In bed with Angel. She had to admite, at least to herself that the only reason she was so angry was because she was green with envy. That realization only made her cry harder.

Ever since Buffy had died, Angel had been drinking more and more every day and whoring around with a different woman every night. It was like he'd just given up on his mission. He continuously reminded Dawn that while he may have promised Buffy he wouldn't take up sunbathing…he hadn't promised her he'd be fine. And every day it became more and more apparent that he wasn't okay. He was as far from okay as he could get without being dust floating in the wind and Dawn hated what he was doing. Not only because it hurt her, but because it was SO different than what Buffy had wanted for him.

Dawn wondered if her sister was sitting up in Heaven growling at all the women Angel had been with since she'd died. If it was HER—she sure as hell would be! She might even become a ghost and haunt his man-whorish ass! That thought made her smile briefly, but it didn't last long because the deep growls and whiny moans started coming from Angel's room again.

Dawn rolled onto her belly and put the pillow over head again as she prepared for round two. God, how much longer? He usually didn't bring his lovers here, but Dawn was very aware of his ways, just the same. Thanks to loud-mouthed Harmony, who couldn't keep her yap shut about what a stud Angel was, Dawn knew far more about Angel's prowess as a lover than she'd like--well, that wasn't exactly true. She'd love to know what a skilled lover Angel was, but because she'd actually experienced it. Not because she'd heard about it from the ho-bags he'd been banging non-stop since Buffy died.

**** sorry for the pain my fellow B/A lovers, but this was what came from my head****

The Next morning Dawn waited in her room until she heard the woman leave before she made her way to the kitchen for her coffee. There was no way she wanted to run into her. Been there--done that and it had sucked!

The last time it had happened, she'd thought Angel's chickee had left, but when she'd come out of her room, she'd literally bumped right into the ho!

"Oh you must be the little sister, huh?" the skank had said.

Dawn had froze, "He—told you about…me?"

That was when it got worse. The skank had looked her over and then giggled, as if Dawn was a joke she didn't know the punchline for. "Yeah, last night...he told me you were a child, so I needed to keep it down."

Dawn's jaw dropped and her face flooded with color. Her throat closed up and she blinked away her tears, determined this bitch wouldn't see that her barb had hit home. "Hey, I'm 21 now and so NOT a child," she smirked. "He was messing with you," she said and quickly got rid of the girl before she broke down in front of her.

Dawn had perfected the art of becoming invisible since then. She had absolutely no desire to repeat that humiliating performance. Especially since Angel went through women like he changed his clothes. Since he'd lost Buffy, the only ones he'd seen more than once was Harmony and that Nina chick. Harmony was an office fuck—nothing to stress over. He called for her and then later everyone could hear the screams coming from inside as Harmony obviously had a good time…but then the blond vampire left and Angel didn't think about her again, until he got an itch…Nina on the other hand—Angel took _her_ on dates and Dawn really hated that and her!

As she entered the living room, she was startled to find him sitting on the couch. He looked tired and his shirt unbuttoned, giving her a tantalizing view of his muscled chest and belly. She averted her gaze. He looked so sexy sitting there with his hair mussed and half-naked. The only thing that spoiled the visual was the bleak look on his face and the half-empty bottle of Bushmill's clutched in his hand.

"So is your hooker gone?" she snapped, making her way into the kitchen. She knew the answer, but she couldn't seem to stop herself from bitching. She hated what Angel was doing and she knew she sounded jealous…but then again…she was. Dawn knew that this—him drunk and reeking of sex and cheap perfume, would be the last thing that Buffy would want for him. She'd want him to live, not drink himself into a stupor daily and make a royal slut out of himself nightly!

He chuckled and ran a hand down his lean hard belly, inadvertantly causing Dawn's gaze to follow. God he was beautiful...he had the perfect body, so hard...

Suddenly she realized he was saying something to her."What?" she asked, praying she wasn't blushing.

"I said, she wasn't a hooker." He flashed a lopsided, drunken grin and tipped the bottle, taking a long chug of the Irish whiskey. "A hooker charges for sex…" He shrugged. "I didn't pay her a dime."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and if the screams of 'Oh God Angel…and 'yes, Angel, harder,' were any indication…she'd have probably paid _you_ just to let her stay for a second performance, huh?"

He took another drought from the bottle, then pinned her where she stood with his dark eyed gaze. "What's your problem with it, anyways?" He raised a brow. "WHY do you care who I screw, Dawnie? It's not like I'm cheating on Buffy. She's..." He paused and she watched as he swallowed hard and clenched his fists. "She's dead--not coming back, so why do you even give a shit?"

Dawn knew that now was probably not the best time for trying to have any kind of conversation with him, considering he was already half drunk at 7:30 in the morning, but she was tired of pretending that what he was doing wasn't self-destructive and wrong.

"My _problem_ as you call it…is that you're drinking yourself into oblivion and fucking your way through half the female population of Los Angeles." He gaped at her with that deer in the headlight look and Dawn blinked furiously, telling herself, she would NOT cry. "You don't see anything wrong there? Do you really think Buffy would want this for you?"

His brows lowered and he got that haunted look he'd had ever since her sister had been diagnosed with cancer. "Don't!" Angel growled and took another long guzzle, finishing off the bottle. He stood and dropped it on to the floor. His dark brown eyes flashed golden. "If she was here—I wouldn't—" He stopped, swallowed and looked away, before his face took on that hard mask again."You know what, Dawn? I'm thinking Buffy doesn't really care where I stick my cock right now…considering she's fucking dead!" he snarled, but it sounded like a sob too. He punched the wall, making a huge hole and probably breaking a knuckle or two also. "Dead and buried, so I doubt she's feeling jealous, so why don't you get off my back, okay?" he snapped, but his eyes were swollen and looked so sad.

She felt tears flood her eyes. "I know that Angel. She was my sister! You don't think I feel her loss? You think I don't miss her? God! I miss her so much sometimes it feels like I'm dying inside, but you don't see me trying to kill myself do you?"

Angel smirked at her and laughed without humor. "I'm a fucking vampire Dawn. Booze won't kill me and neither will sex...but it does dull the pain. Without it, I might just take that walk into the sun..." he snapped. "So you see it's not quite the same for you and me. Now is it?"

He went past her and opened up a cabinet in the kitchen and got out another bottle of whiskey. "I don't want to be sober," he said softly. "When I'm sober...it's real and Buffy's gone." He wiped at his eyes with the heel of his hand and Dawn saw the tears he was fighting not to cry. "It hurts. It hurts so bad I want to die, but when I'm drunk…" He closed his eyes and she saw him swallow convulsively for several moments. He took deep unneeded breaths, and then opened his eyes. They were so dark, filled with an agony so deep it made Dawn's heart ache for him. "I--it—losing her..." He ran a weary hand down his face. "It's just not as terrible, so would you just leave me the fuck alone?" he snarled, before brushing past her and flopping back down on the couch to open his new bottle. "I can't face a life without Buffy in it and if you can't deal with that...then leave," he said, tilting his head back and taking a deep guzzle off the new bottle.

As she watched him settle into a sullen, drunken oblivion, Dawn wanted to take him in her arms and hold him untill his pain went away, but she couldn't. He had to deal with Buffy's loss on his own, but he wasn't dealing and Dawn didn't know what to do. Sometimes life was so unfair and Buffy and Angel had suffered more than most. Their love had seemed hopeless, but then Angel had taken over W&H, and Fred, bless her heart, had found a cure for his curse and suddenly Angel was clause free. He'd followed Buffy to Rome and though she'd been mad at him at first, after some trauma and drama…Buffy had admitted she still loved the dark vampire. They'd found each other again, and within weeks of Angel getting his soul bound, Buffy had left Rome to move to L.A. declaring that she was done baking and it was time for Angel to enjoy 'Cookie Buffy'! What that meant, Dawn still wasn't sure...

But she did remember their reunion and truthfully, her sister had never been happier. She'd finally had what she'd always wanted, a future with the guy she'd been head over heels for ever since she was sixteen. The real mind blower though, had been Angel's transformation. With Buffy, he'd laughed, smiled at her goofily and even cracked jokes, albeit they were corny most of the time, but they'd made Buffy giggle and it was obvious Angel loved to make her laugh. It had been breathtaking to watch them just BE. Everyone had just sat back and watched as they finally made it work. It had given them all hope seeing their heroes finally have it all...and they had. Buffy and Angel had been so in love, they made every single person who knew them believe in happily ever after again. They gave them a purpose to believe that what they fought for everyday was worth it...that even when it was bad, if you had faith--you might get that big happy too.

Dawn bit her lip. An honest to goodness love story...but who said every love story had a happy ending? Obviously NOT the FUCKING Powers That Be—that's who! Just when Buffy and Angel had seemed to finally get theirs…Buffy had gotten sick. It was so unfair and recently Angel had washed his hands all together of them--even signed away his Shanshu. Dawn wished he hadn't done that, but she understood his rage at the Higher ups. They'd taken Buffy away again and after their so called "Champions" had only had like two years of true joy before the Slayer had been diagnosed with a brain tumor—just like Joyce. It had been devastating to everyone, but nobody had taken it as bad as Angel.

Dawn was positive that the only reason Angel hadn't already greeted the sun was because Buffy had made him promise that he would live, despite the fact that he was losing his soul-mate. Buffy had loved him enough to want him to live beyond her life. Right now, Dawn wished she didn't love him too, then it might be easier to watch him self-destruct. But she DID love him and Buffy, much to Dawn's amazement, had understood that love.

She watched as Angel guzzled half the bottle of Bushmills and was reminded of the promise she'd made Buffy. She'd told her she wouldn't let Angel do this… but here they were and Dawn didn't know what to do to get the miserable vampire off this merry-go-round of women and booze he'd put himself on.

He was staring at her and Dawn realized she'd been quiet a long time. She decided to try and reach him. "Yeah, the booze numbs the pain and maybe fucking everything that moves makes you feel better too… but it's _not_ healthy, Angel, and it's_ not_ helping you deal. You NEED to deal with her being gone and let her go…She wouldn't want you to live like this."

He scowled at her, got off the couch and without a word, headed towards his bedroom.

Dawn followed. "Angel, wait!"

He stopped with his back to her, still gripping his bottle in his fist. "Let it go, Dawn. I can't talk about this right now."

She sighed. "Angel…you have to talk about it—her sometime."

"No, I don't," he growled, and entered his room, slamming the door behind him.

Dawn felt tears well up in her eyes. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to see him so broken if she wasn't half in love with him herself. She snorted before she'd even finished the thought. 'Half?!' She headed back to the kitchen and began making a pot of coffee. She was far more than 'half' in love with Angel. She was head over heels, over the moon in love with him and Buffy had known it, even encouraged it.

One of the last things Buffy had said to her was, "I get it Dawnie and I'm not mad...It's pretty much impossible NOT to fall for Angel when he turns the full force of that charm on you."

Dawn had been stunned. She'd expected Buffy to freak, but the closer Buffy came to her imminent death, the more she began to encourage Dawn's growing love for Angel.

The first 'real' conversation about it was as fresh in her mind now, as if it had happened yesterday, rather than a year ago.

Buffy had asked her to take a walk with her on the beach. They'd parked right by the sand because the tiny Slayer didn't have the stamina she'd once had, but she'd wanted to see the beach and Dawn had taken her. Buffy had held her hand and said, "I know you love Angel." Her words were softly spoken, but without the hurt or jealousy, you'd expect.

Dawn had been shocked speechless and at first, she'd tried to deny it, but Buffy hadn't let her. Finally after some tears, Dawn had clutched Buffy and confessed. "Okay, I love him--I'm sorry. I tried to stop, but I can't."

"I knew it already, Dawnie," Buffy had said patting Dawn's shoulder. "Ssshhh...don't cry. really, I'm okay with it." Dawn's eyes had bugged and Buffy had genuinely giggled. "I know--weird, huh?"

"Buffy, I can't—I mean, how can you not hate me for loving him? He's your husband!"

Buffy had simply given her a rueful--almost sad smile."If I wasn't—" Dawn had started to cry and Buffy had sighed and rephrased her sentence. "If I wasn't leaving him, then I might be a bit more wigged." In a motherly kind of way, Buffy had ran a hand down Dawn's face. "But I am. I'm sorry, I know you don't want to see that, but it's the truth. No matter how badly you and Angel try to avoid it, Dawnie. It's not going to change." They started walking again. "In a month maybe a week or even a day...I won't be here." Buffy blinked back her tears. "I need you to be there for him. I know Angel…he'll go off into his cave and brood--shut everyone out and generally make bad choices, but I want you to be there for him and not let him do that." Buffy had been insistent. "Please Dawnie, make him live again. Love him and make him accept I'm gone and not coming back this time, okay?"

It had been a heartbreaking conversation, one that still brought tears to Dawn's eyes every time she remembered it.

On the day Buffy had died she'd called Dawn to her room. "Dawnie," her sister had said. "It's time. I know it, but I can't go until I know that you'll be there for him. Promise me..." Buffy's eyes had welled up with tears, and her determined resolve cracked for a minute. The sisters had held each other and cried as Dawn promised and Buffy had sobbed for her lost life and love. "I don't want to go," she'd had cried and Dawn thought she was gfoing to die right there too of heartbreak alone. In the end, as always, Buffy dug deep and found that inner strength that had made her the strongest Slayer ever, and she'd clutched Dawn's hand so tight the younger girl had winced in pain. "But I can go as long as I know that you'll be there…taking care of him. I can be at peace. It hurts, but it makes leaving him easier if I know he's gonna be loved..." Buffy had hugged her sister for the very last time then. "Just take care of him—he's going to need you."

She'd died a few hours later...

Dawn had never admired her sister's fierce strength of character more than she did on that day…HOW had Buffy been so strong? Dawn didn't think she'd ever have that kind of courage and it made her sick to see how she'd failed Buffy's last request. "Buffy, I'm sorry."

The coffee was done and with a sigh; Dawn poured herself a cup. She added some cream and sugar, and took a tentative sip, forcing the images of her sister's last moments from her mind. This...Angel destroying himself wasn't what Buffy would want. She would fight--well, older Buffy would fight. Dawn knew Buffy didn't regret anything in her life except not fighting for Angel when he left her all those years ago. That regret had been the reason she'd chased after Riley and that regret had been the driving force behind her chasing him back to L.A. But did_ she_ have her sister's courage?

She closed her eyes and dug deep inside her own soul...yes, she did. She'd gotten through the trauma of realizing she was actually the KEY to opening a Hell dimension and she'd survived losing her Mother and Buffy. She was stronger than she was giving herself credit for. Buffy had seen it, now Dawn had to act on it. She picked up her cell phone and dialed.

He answered on the second ring. "Hello Niblet...what's the big ponce done now?"

Dawn giggled. "Just the usual--whoring and drinking, but I've got a plan and I'm going to need your help to pull it off. Can you come over here?"

Spike chuckled. "If it involves getting tall, dark and broody off his pity-pot...count me in. I'll be there in a few--got some papers for Peaches to sign anyways."

"Thanks Spike, I'll see you in a few..." Dawn said and hung up. She sighed, but felt better than she had in a while. She was finally taking charge--acting, rather than re-acting. She raised her mug and gave a smirk worthy of Angelus himself. "Okay Angel, this is the first day of your new life...you just don't know it, yet."


End file.
